but one that I have to live.
He was our only child and loved so very much.
It is very hard to express the hurt for the lose of him as
I feel the love that I have for him.
sad and lonely road it felt like a fire inside
that you could get no relief from no matter
what you did or did not do.
not hurt like a knife through your heart.
I could not think of the good memories that
I had of Ryan because all I felt and
all I could think was that I will never
hear him say mommy anymore.
nor would I see his face again. All everyone would
tell me was that in time this would get better.
I thought no way no how. It has been
six years since then.
instead of the fact he is gone. I carry a heart load
of love and great thoughts and can bring
them to mind as soon as I want to. Do not get me wrong,
it still hurts just as much when I crave his
touch or kisses and do not get it.
thoughts of not having him to hold and to hug
or to tuck in at night! Like all moms going through
this we are all selfish and want those good days back,
we want to hold our children and never have to say good bye.
that they had to go through at times we do not
"get over it" it is a feeling deep inside and like
a candle it burns bright and as the candle inside us
bright the memories of a lost child burns
deep with in a mom and dads heart!