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I have a story to tell, not one that I wish to have had,

but one that I have to live.





I lost my son Ryan on August 18, 1992.

He was our only child and loved so very much.

It is very hard to express the hurt for the lose of him as

I feel the love that I have for him.





When we first started this journey down this

sad and lonely road it felt like a fire inside

that you could get no relief from no matter

what you did or did not do.





I could never think or feel that one day this will

not hurt like a knife through your heart.

I could not think of the good memories that

I had of Ryan because all I felt and

all I could think was that I will never

hear him say mommy anymore.





I would never hear him ask why again

nor would I see his face again. All everyone would

tell me was that in time this would get better.

I thought no way no how. It has been

six years since then.





I now can think of good memories

instead of the fact he is gone. I carry a heart load

of love and great thoughts and can bring

them to mind as soon as I want to. Do not get me wrong,

it still hurts just as much when I crave his

touch or kisses and do not get it.





The days of good memories now out number the

thoughts of not having him to hold and to hug

or to tuck in at night! Like all moms going through

this we are all selfish and want those good days back,

we want to hold our children and never have to say good bye.





We do not want or need to think of the pain and suffering

that they had to go through at times we do not

"get over it" it is a feeling deep inside and like

a candle it burns bright and as the candle inside us burn

bright the memories of a lost child burns

deep with in a mom and dads heart!





Ryan's Mom and Dad




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